Moving on

Alot of us are packrats.

Alot of us collect.

So many of us keep stuff and don’t realize it.  Stuff can be anything; birthday cards, golf cubs, an old baseball glove.  It is said that everything a person keeps has a deep emotional tie which translates into their physical environment.  Maybe I read or repeated it incorrectly, but I completely relate.

Lately I have realized how much junk I’ve been hanging on to.  It’s everywhere, and it’s almost invisible until I touch it.  Sometimes I put it in my way to remind me of something.  It works for a while until I no longer remember its purpose and either put it aside or toss it.

The other day I was so fed up with things I started a deep cleaning.  I gathered up all the erroneous items that once would have taken some kind of significance in my life.  I sorted things in terms of importance;  Important and not important.  I must say that I was suprised at how much junk I keep in terms of what little I have.  At the end of my journey I determined that almost all of what I gathered was… not important.  As a result, my house is much more calm feeling, but also much emptier.  Almost lonely.

Sometimes hanging on to garbage gives you comfort.  Sometimes garbage is just garbage.  Never get used to garbage in your life or you’ll eventually find garbage difficult to recognize.  I just took out the trash.  Theres still more, but now theres so much room for new things it makes tomorrow alot less foreboding.  It’s like I can breathe a little easier.

So long, beautiful and comforting trash.  You’ve been dismissed.

Always

 We think of many things as constant; running water, cable TV and the rising cost of oil.  Murphy’s law, which suprisingly does not hold up well in a court of law.  Or how about weather prediction?  Yeah, the last one I heard was dead on… okay, unreliable weather prediction.  Really, it depends on where and sometimes how you look at it.  Which brings me to my point.  Constants.  Air is constant.  Life is constant.  Noisy neighbors are constant. 

 Love is constant.  It’s alot like air in that its all around us and most do not recognize it, even when it smacks us in the face.  We take it largely for granted.  Sometimes we reject it because of the feelings it brings out of us.  We try to control it.  We channel it and guide it to places we want it, and from places that it causes discomfort.  We essentially do our best to change it into something comfortable to be in, and when we do not feel comfortable we flip a switch to change it again or find another environment where its more comfortable to be in.  Sometimes we will wear protection from the offensive feelings it causes because we cannot affect its…quality… and so we create our own little environment close to ourselves.  We do not realize that often that if we just share the reality of what is around us, a few degrees this way or that can also be quite comfortable.  It’s also a constant that people all over the globe have quite different perspectives on what is comfortable for them… and what does it matter that they are different?  Its what makes life so colorful and rich.  Take a look around.  Everything fits together.  Don’t spend alot of time on the math for this; especially don’t if you are particularly adept at doing math in your head.  Somebody right now could use some of the …air…  that you are trying to change.

 My sister gave me a card this Christmas that said

“I’m smiling because you’re my brother.  I’m laughing because you cannot do anything about it.”

 Well today I’m smiling because I love you.

 Love is constant.  It is my truth and yours.

 Merry Christmas.  Let the dark clouds come, for the wind that is constant will soon be smacking their faces also.

-ctoz

Because we are

 
   You.
 for more than 20 years you have made yourself a home in my mind and my heart.  No matter where our lives have taken us, we have never really separated.  We have remained thru all our decisions and experiences to become who we are.  And when we are together time is restored, and we continue.  Was there ever an absence?  when youre here I cannot tell that you ever left.   When you are not here you remain, or my heart follows because it cannot tear the bond.  We are.  There was never you and I.  And in these ordinary days that we live our lives on the path of choices, we are still we.  I am happy because we are.  Let the battles continue for I know that when I feel alone I close my eyes and feel your shoulder next to mine… and you swing the baddest axe.
 
 
ctoz

Happy Holidays

there you are…
 How have you been?  That’s nice to hear, unless what you said was bad, then I would empathise if possible.
 
 Yet another year passes, not unlike every commuter that seems to be in such a hurry; if only they would have gotten up earlier, they wouldn’t have to put the rest of us at such risk and feel such a need to be in front of that car in front of them.  With each year we look back and say, ‘hmm, if only…’ or maybe not… who knows?  And who is to say it would have been better anyway?  I am content with my choices, how about you?  There are bigger things on the horizon; never forget that.  I remain thankful for my needs being met, and oh so many of my wants.  But that doesn’t mean the want list gets shorter.  I am like windows vista…  no matter how complete my updates, there will always be another ‘improvement’ waiting to be had.  Some will make me slower, some will even make me stop responding in a normal way, and cause others to shake their fists in my general direction, and maybe even shut me off and walk away.  Most ‘improvements’ won’t be that noticeable to others, and I won’t bother mentioning them to anyone; they probably have updates of their own, and are still downloading them.  Hang on a sec… I have to restart.  Again.
 
 All the best to you and yours in this new year.  Please remember all of your blessings.
 
-ctoz

June you airy

 As it goes, I have never been big on blogs.  Feels like I havent been here since last … uh..  time.  Its uber mega super hella mad busy for me(did I forget a generation?  Prolly) and most of my active work is accumulating over at the bunnies site… I have the largest collection of images there, but only the riding photos.  I should get more conceptual material after the crazy sleep depriving race season is over.  or when I have time.  Who knows when that will be.  These last few months have been crazy with work and other work, I have had no time to love my truck, so I am still driving the buick which, sadly kicks ass with its dated doorhandles and cushy interior…  beep beep
 
 
check these
 
 

years

Years go by.  Time is a part of that.  Duh.
 
  Sometimes things take time, more time than you have.  It’s good to have the presence of mind to know when that is.  On Sunday, we had a decent foot of snow; later that evening it turned to slurm and by noon the next day it was all but gone (with a high of 17 – it was only 14) and everyone’s basement flooded but ours. 
 
 T
The calendar is out, you can see peeks of it at muddbunnies.com, pinkbike.com, and nsmb.com.  weeee, I got the cover =D
 
Happy Holidays, everyone.
-don’t worry; Future Shop is still open.
 
geez!
 
ctoz

September

It’s been a hella busy summer.  I will laugh later because I used the word hella.  Others might as well.  There’s a person at work that says it all the time, and I think it sounds dumb if you’re not a poorly drawn and animated (but incredibly popular) cartoon.  But I digress;  there are more important things I should be busy with at this time, so I should probably get to those things.
 
Now that I think of it, I’m still pretty busy.
 
ctoz